Undressed

Source: personal photo of myself Look at me, again and tell me what can you see?                                                                There is such a mess, what can I say..maybe I should just shut up, I am letting you to sting me with your last needle.. With your last words that's passing through your mind.. A sick mind, blown away of regrets.. And why do you regret?Why us?Why like this? Why can't you change something right now? Why do you leave your head down and smoke, and if I tell you, If I tell you "change yourself", you just close yourself. And again, you leave me sleep on it, I'm in a continuously balance of my life.. And again, you leave me alone, better forget about me! Forget about everything,  Forget about the world, about feelings, soulmates, whispers in the ear, Be cold,...

Dear you, I hope you read it ! I really hope you do because there is something inside me that's screaming for a change and you know what?  All my life I tried my best to please others! Others include family, friends, boyfriends, teachers.. what else? What else do you want, world? I think it's enough ! I want to feel free. Like this, tiger in a cage. Release the tiger and so shall the anger be. All the time I feel it was borrowed and I never left my soul to rest. I think it's time. Everything is anyway over. My mind feels different and even my soul. What else can you do about it? Pull the trigger? You know what? Shut up and drive. Far, far away where you belong ! Mental disabilities or even capabilities. I should be like the guy from "A beautiful mind", the one smart dumb-ass with 3 imaginary friends! And I wonder.. is it worth it? Be smarter than the rest all your life so that you will receive a punch in the face every time you're wrong in front of them? ...

There are exactly 3 months since I haven't written on this awesome blog, but just decided it's time to break the ice and go back on track. Once upon a time, there was a small little world with a small little hopeless girl begging and trying to get in it. Then, the miracle appeared, so did the challenges whilst she defended herself and overcame them somehow, successfully.. Then was then. Now is now. Soon will be soon. Sometimes I wish my mind would get it better than my soul. And why is that? Well, my mind is a complete chaos, quite the opposite, you see, while my soul is peacefully resting, having occupied most of the space by one single person. Oh my! Is this truly happening? R. fell in love and finally decided to maintain one single contact with a human being on the very emotional sensitivity of the heart? Oh well.. it seems true. It just seems.. Then again, let's go back to my mind. You know, my mom used to read all this 'secret', 'conversations with ...

I miss writing. I miss many but for now, I just want to complain. I want to complain about everything! On one hand, I know for sure that being here will not only learn but change me completely. I now see things better but from a darker point of view, I must say I cannot believe the fact that I broke 3 glasses, I cried 3 times and believe me: I hate crying. It’s the utmost terrifying,worst disadvantage regarding my personality, the sensitivity is reaching its limits. I think I need to beat the hell out of someone. Anyway, I miss everything from my past experiences, even though there were also tough times, I managed to pass greatefully over the top and mature. Being more open-minded, grateful for what I have, hard-working and enthusiasmatic is more to ask, which I have nothing to complain about.. It’s true that many times I wanted to go outside, scream, yell to people and be mad, but the other side of the bottle, I was just smiling, minding my own business, not crying as I was do...

And as I've expected or maybe not.. I did not miss at all being part (again) of my beloved city, specifically Romania. I couldn't expect basically anything than love from my amazingly awesome family that sacrificed a lot for me, for being in this current position. As I might take you by surprise is the fact that now, at this very moment I am writing from a far, far away part of the world, as in Greece, Athens. Unfortunately, I am at the airport, waiting for my next flight and it will be in just a few hours, like 5. Well, time flies. I have landed in Athens at 8.30 and now it's 11.30. I just hope to not fall asleep by the time the airplane is boarding.. *haha - nooot* Most of the unbearable is this wierdom of emotion inside me which is between fear and 'I don't give a f*'. As I've been noticing a lot of changes in my home-land city and the better ones were regarding the refurbishment, most evidently, I have started to become home-sick of my current home -...

I am such in an ecstasy mood: my head in the clouds and smiling, that I am not sure whether Odense is my momentary Paradise. I figured it out on my way back home, cycling. It was like I had a vacation. A sweet escape from everything and everyone. To be honest, I needed it. I have done, again, too many mistakes in my life that I am suddently learning faster than ever as well as getting back on track with my life. I have realized some thoughts that wouldn't have come to my mind almost never and I am so content of the fact that I finally got 'it'. This 'it' that means worth a thousand words. Anyhow, judging by my previous life experiences, I have encountered numerous and shocking surprises, more or less thankful. In this way, I have, back then, come to a supreme conclusion: 'All men are bastards and I must change this.' Changing was not the best solution because I have done it to myself. Yes, lads and fellows.. I have decided to become an 'icebox'. *th...

  But if you could only see me, ..and other feelings through a ney Yeah if you could only feel me, ..we wouldn't have to part this way, yeah You try to make it better, ..pretending everything's okay. But if you had only seen me, Then you wouldn't see me walk away!  XoXo, R.

It seems to me that life is not really how you plan it, but how you feel it. I suppose that when you feel amazing in one place/venue/country/city, then you also might feel amazing on the inside as well. I want and need a change of scenery. That's it. Enough is enough. First, you have 12 years where you learn like a mouse, literally eating books, then you choose something because others tell you it might fancy you and finally you realize this is just not me. After some long-lasting and strenous time to reflect, I have made decisions which were only because I felt it, not others nor things. I am the one in charge of different changes and I made a great, appealing, demanding, challenging, delicate, fractious decision. After 9 months of spending another great amount of time on almost useless and nagging stuff, I came to the conclusion that this thing I am in must definitely CHANGE. Caps lock. As I said before, it is enough. One must always find the right place where its heart feel...

And what can I do other than wait till the Spring unravels itself more and more.. I know it utterly despairs me but I need to keep my patience to the limits, not pushing them harder and wishing for it to become extinct. Yes, I need energy. Coffee? I'm drinking like 4/5 cups per day. Energy drinks? Still not working. I need something much stronger to motivate me. I already have it in my heart. The only thing I need to convince is my brain. Or maybe vice versa? I really do not know what to do. It's like since I have heard smth that would separate me from my reality, my dreams have taken a different angle and I am totally misplaced. Misunderstood as well, because I am still trying to do my best into paying attention to details.. which are.. uhm.. forget it! I'm a changed person. I want myself a little back in time, but then again, no! Let me foresee the future and forget about twirling my hair.. Forget about my moody mood ! I want to reach the 'climax' of this educ...

Source of image: google.com  More and more, day by day, hours after hours and every second of my life I want IT ! I cannot imagine my life without one major and crucial thingy in my life: love. With love you can do everything and anything you wish. It's like I am living in Paradise (whatever that means) when I do something I really consider itself important. But now, I'm just focusing on shooting the moon and envisioning myself in My own Paradise: L. I want it more and more. I am picturing myself in that location and then, I will be the happiest person on the entire Universe! I have learned myself into this world, little by little, everyday feeling love everywhere I look.. feeling you everywhere I touch.. I appreciate every moment when you carefully take my hand and hold it close to your heart. Even when our intentions were at first, so much different from the reality itself. When raining, windy, snowy, upset or energetic, you were there with me. It really made my day f...

~And I dream.. with you, by my side..and I love you.. because you know who I am~ ~Thank you for loving me back!~ ~You are mine, forever!~ XoXo,    R.

Bright lights.. big city! Here I come! - Whether is it with you or/and alone, there is no going back, but only straight forward, direction sky! Flash lights.. don't let me lose my way, something is needed to be changed! My current mood is on to 'Anything I want in the world, I can make it mine !' *grin smile* I am starting slowly but certain, growing both on the inside and outside.. I just need something or someone to tell me I am doing the right thing because there is no turning tables, only love and passion and everyday I pray and wishing for a change! Last year, although I had plenty of changes, it is still not enough! I am aiming high and this one is for good! I have everything I need: you, you and... yes, you! Then, comes the rest of the pieces and those are from my past. Hell with it! I'm burning it just at this very own moment and all those memoirs which I would never, in my life, would have appreciated more, nowadays for maturing and evolving in a way di...

I really do not have time to waste my time and I am not even trying to create an intro to my post but to write and offer the happiness inside me and the gratitude I feel inside me. Now, being frank, which as a matter of fact I usually am, except writing.. if it had not been to my dearest ones, I might not have been in such a great position right now! As I have mentioned in many posts, "your wish is the world's command!" I am definitely thankful for every day, every moment spent with the ones I deeply care.. and .. love. Yes.. my love. I feel gratitude for loving. For being there each moment of my present life and being so thoughtful and kind, which I have, seriously, never encountered in my life.. I feel grateful and I wish .. (oh, I wish..) for many things. *smile* THANK YOU, UP THERE! *heart* You indeed create each moment, a smile and each word, a tear of happiness in my heart. . XoXo, R.

Copyright R.   As we met around the corner, Only future itself could have spelled As we crossed above the border Our friendship yet to become an end. Well no fear would I like to create, Only lust of creation to get. Friendship is simply common, Whereas love is not compared to one another. It's pure bliss of endless vows.. Much alike spiritual arouse. Which allows two different companions, Not to play around other Reckless timing and useless spirit, But to live within the conscious mind Of loving every minute. Every story of our lives, lived in harmony and disguise, Every rough path of destiny's choice, Molded with peaceful voice. Loving you forever in rejoice. As we meet with warming hands, Our flaming love expands.. And glance away the demands. Only clocks will tell the time, As we breeze within the ride, expecting us to making it sublime! COPYRIGHT R.    Source of image: google.com               ...