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| Source of image: google.com |
My mood? Eh, no mood. No sleep. No words. No nothing.
Just writing. Yes.. writing, my only friend I have at this very own moment. At least when I write, this so-called journal does not criticize me, neither does it call me names nor start a fight, which is the best genuine invention ever created. And just when I have whispered to myself - 'this time will be different', now I mumble 'Just like last time.' And you know what..?
Dear love,
I am what I am. Nothing more, nor less.
I just wanted to get back those moments when we first met and those months of non-contradicting and lots of romance. Yes, I am a cheesy romantic full of energy ready to be consumed on certain entertaining stuff. Yes, I loved those crappy lyrics from songs, it was so romantic and I want them back! Yes, I love to be pampered, called lovely, sweet names, being loved and squeezed and acting like everything is pink, since I have never experienced such feelings before. Yes, I am what I am. But there's a certain limit one must not exceed since I have a very mature and independent nature.
Tell me, darling, do you like what you are seeing? Do you like when one comes from a far distance, with a basket full of goods, Red Riding Hood style, giving himself almost, reaching the point of being penniless, wanting my love to be fully satisfied.. only positive thoughts surrounding my head, then suddenly.. boom! eruption.
I may not be perfect, but damn, I would really wish people would at least try, since I am already doing it. I have pursued most of my goals, but one important thing that quite missed..was me. The puzzle-piece missing from the outskirts.
What the hell are with these changes I still do not get it. Why people can't stick to one single thing? Oh, wait. I am the one to blame since I have been in so many relationships and got 'not' so many things out from.
You know what?
I want a person that: comes with breakfast in the morning or leaves a rose on the bed before going to work, a person that talks nicely to me, with no sarcasm, irony or whatever. A person that never forgets about the fucking anniversary and other chacky celebrations like V'Day, 8th of March and so on. A guy that loves my body with or without curves. I want a perfect guy, which I know I will never get. But at least I can always dream about him.. And of course if I want so many, then the guy would ask 'what am I getting out of this'? What? I'm telling you what, you fucking damn asshole - LOVE !
Because I'm a woman with a heart and words in my mouth.
I just want that guy which I will never have to say what I need!
But finally, it is something called relationship, that was connected, yet disconnected entirely these days, trying to fix up a broken heart. And yes, again its fault when opening up the heart and now the only thing I need is to sleep on it..
If I were to start being angry every time I get the chance, I am certainly not winning!
February, 2012
If I were to update and reassess my emotions it would definitely not be the same as it were back then, but I came across it and I felt the urge to post it.
February, 2014
Loads of love,
R.